“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do you ever feel lost? Like you are wandering and wondering what is this all about?
I’ve hit one of those crossroads where it has been tough to get my head in the game. I went on a vacation of a lifetime to Greece with my family. It was easily the best vacation we’ve ever been on - albeit the most expensive as well - but since I’ve been back, it’s been hard to recenter. I’ll crank out work for a couple of hours and then aimlessly wander around the house. I even walked by the couch and wondered if it’s against the law for me to lie down at 2 pm.
I’ve been baffled, because if you know me, you know I'm a total worker bee. I enjoy my work and can get drawn into it for hours without noticing the clock. So what in the name of July is going on?
I’d say it’s just summer, but this feels different. It’s like I can’t tie the meaning to the action. I’ve begun to realize that the identity shift I'm experiencing in my life right now (middle age empty nest syndrome) is affecting my ability to keep purpose in focus.
When we lose sense of who we are, meaning and purpose become elusive, and we become ripe for derailment. A strong sense of identity is a key component for a significant and centered life. When we lose it, we can become rudderless and set adrift, a boat without a port.
When we lose identity we can feel like we are burned out or just mindlessly (or meaninglessly) floating.
Our identity is the foundation from which we make decisions, both big and small. It acts as an internal compass, helping us choose careers, relationships, priorities, and even how we spend our downtime. When our sense of self is strong and aligned, our choices tend to follow suit. We say yes to the right opportunities, and perhaps more importantly, we say no to the ones that don’t serve us. Without this internal clarity, we can find ourselves chasing after other people’s definitions of success, trying on values that don’t quite fit, and burning out in the process.
When we are grounded in who we are, confidence naturally follows. This isn’t the noisy bravado that shouts to be noticed. It's the quiet, steady presence of someone who knows what they bring to the table. Identity is what steadies us when the world gets shaky. In the face of rejection, comparison, or failure, we’re far more resilient when we know our worth isn’t defined by any single moment or outcome. We don’t crumble under pressure because our sense of self isn’t up for negotiation.
We realize that our identity is the sum of it all - all of our roles in life (not just work or being a parent), all of our moments (high and low), all of our talents (honed and still working), and all of our values (the ones we are authentically holding true). When we pause to recognize and name our identity we are reminded of how we can actually impact those around us, how we can feel productive and useful, and how we can commit to a fulfilling and content life.
Your impact, your ability to be productive, and your commitment to what matters most to YOU is the “why” that drives. That “why” is rooted in identity. When we lose our “why” we can easily lose our “what”. Hence what happened to me over the last few weeks. When who I am isn’t clearly defined, my drive is still on vacation.
Our identity forms the core meaning of our work. When we ignore or lose track of these, our work begins to feel off. It may manifest as low-grade burnout, disengagement, or a vague sense of being stuck. But when we reconnect with who we are and who we want to become, energy and direction return.
Think of your identity like a lighthouse. In foggy moments, when motivation wanes, when the noise of social media and societal pressure gets too loud, when life throws a curveball or a crossroads, it can guide you back. You might not see the whole coastline, but you see just enough light to keep moving forward. It reminds you that you’re not lost, just momentarily out of view.
So if you’re feeling adrift, start with this question: Who am I really (minus the titles, minus the roles)? Hit pause and reintroduce yourself to you. All the wonderfulness of who you are today and all the hopes of who you want to be in the future. You don’t need to figure it all out today. For some of us at a crossroads, this reintroduction may take a bit longer. That’s okay.
A new phase of life can mean a new and even more compelling version of you. Now that sounds exciting!
TWO TIPS FOR FOR STRENGTHENING YOUR IDENTITY
1. SCHEDULE REGULAR “YOU” CHECK-INS
Just like you might review your goals or calendar, set aside time each month to reflect on you. Ask yourself: What’s been energizing me lately? What’s been draining me? Am I living in alignment with my values? Who do I hope to be a year from now? What do I need to do over the next 90 days to get there? Journaling these answers or discussing them with a coach or trusted friend can help you stay anchored in your authentic self and notice when you start drifting.
2. LIMIT THE NOISE AND STRENGTHEN THE SIGNAL
Social media, trends, and other people’s opinions can subtly shape your identity if you’re not mindful. Protect your mental space by curating what you consume: follow voices that resonate with your true self, and mute those that trigger comparison or confusion. Replace some of that scrolling time with reading, reflection, or practices like meditation or walking that help you reconnect with your voice not everyone else’s.
Relationships are one of the three pillars of Healthy Ambition. Traci's Healthy Ambition keynote helps leaders and teams achieve more without burning out. She speaks in Nashville and nationwide.
Traci Schubert Barrett is a Nashville-based keynote speaker and founding executive of HGTV, where she helped grow a fledgling idea into a billion-dollar brand. After two decades in media, she walked away to ask a bigger question: what if there’s more than success? That question became her award-winning book, What If There’s More?: Finding Significance Beyond Success, and her Healthy Ambition™ framework, which helps leaders and entrepreneurs achieve high performance without burnout. She is co-founder and President of Navigate the Journey.
