“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships lately.
How they begin, how they deepen, and sometimes, how they quietly slip away. I think about the friends who have walked beside me through different seasons of life and the ones who, for one reason or another, drifted out of frame. There’s something beautiful and mysterious about the whole process: the way shared values, laughter, vulnerability, and timing weave two people into something lasting.
Friendship isn’t just a social bonus; it’s essential. I don’t say that because I’m particularly extroverted (though I am, and I’ll talk to anyone in a grocery line). I write in my book about the power of creating a village of friends in your life. In my research, I found study after study showing that meaningful friendships are literally good for our health. People with strong social connections live longer, recover faster, and report higher levels of happiness. In fact, friendship, real, vulnerable, face-to-face friendship, helps lower cortisol levels and is a buffer against depression, anxiety, and even cognitive decline. Friendship is medicine with fewer side effects!
For the past couple of decades, I have had a front-row seat watching my daughters build friendships. Through their amazing school communities, I was lucky to find friendships of my own. Frankly, forming friendships came easily. The parents felt like we needed each other to survive. Many of those “mom friendships” made in my children’s younger years have turned into my closest village members.
Now I’m solidly in middle age and exiting the school arena. Making new friends and keeping them will be a bit different. Calendars are still busy with obligations, and energy feels in short supply. Friendships can now feel like a luxury, not a necessity. You can find yourself saying you’d love to catch up, but then just lie on the couch in your sweats binge watching Netflix.
But here is one thing that I can’t let go of - I need my people. Period. My friends center me. They make me navigate the messy, beautiful, and crazy thing called life.
Now that I don’t have the playground or drama night to throw me into close quarters, I have to be intentional. Vulnerable. Willing to show up and say, “Hey, I like you. Want to hang out sometime?” Which, sadly, sounds way less cool when you're 50 than when you’re 15.
As I’ve aged, I’ve learned a great deal about what a good friend is and what one isn’t. And because time is precious, I am more picky. A good friend shows up. They listen. They are honest. They try not to let you down. They cheer for your wins and sit with you in the mess. The need for this type of friend never goes away, no matter how old you are.
C.S. Lewis once wrote, “Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too?” What a beautiful reminder. So linger a bit longer in that conversation. You never know who might be ripe to join your village.
TWO TIPS FOR FOR BUILDING YOUR VILLAGE
1. TREAT FRIENDSHIP LIKE A PRIORITY, NOT A PERK
We need to intentionally carve out time for connection. Schedule regular meetups with your friends or calls like you would a work meeting. Prioritize them, protect them, and don’t let them fall off your calendar. Good friendships don’t happen by accident. They happen by commitment.
2. LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITIES
Look around your current life and see where you might be able to really plug in. It might be your neighborhood, gym, church, book club, or even your workplace. Show up consistently. Smile. Ask questions. Engage. The key is presence and curiosity. Loneliness is at an all-time high, so I’m betting there are many others who are also seeking deeper connections.
Bring this message to your team. Relationships are one of the three pillars of Healthy Ambition. Traci's Healthy Ambition keynote helps leaders and teams achieve more without burning out. She speaks in Nashville and nationwide.
Traci Schubert Barrett is a sought-after international speaker and best-selling author of What If There’s More? Finding Significance Beyond Success, and the founder of Navigate the Journey, a leading business consulting and leadership development firm.
As one of the founders of the wildly popular national cable television network HGTV, she enjoyed the amazing ride of taking a fledgling idea and turning it into a billion-dollar media empire. But after over twenty years in the media industry, Traci began to wonder, what if there’s more to our vocational lives than success? In a leap of faith, she quit her executive job and went on a soul-searching journey, leading her to create the Strategic Life Map process.
With a Master's in Professional Psychology and over 30 years of business experience, Traci specializes in coaching C-suite executives and business leaders, helping them define their greatest impact and create clarity for the future chapters of their lives.
