“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”
- C.S. Lewis
The house is quiet. Too quiet. After two decades, both of my daughters are out of the house, off at college, and I am officially what society calls an “empty nester.” Of course, being in Nashville, that phrase sounds like something from a sad country song. Downcast, middle-aged woman home alone with her dog, feeling foggy, deserted, and a whole lot of restlessness.
I did wander around the first week feeling a little lost until I thought maybe my nest isn’t all that empty. It’s full of memories, laughter, and, most importantly, pride in the strong, independent women we’ve had the privilege of raising and launching into the world.
Yes, I miss them so much that my body literally aches. There’s grief in the goodbye. But despite this grief, I’m discovering a new sense of freedom. The wide-open space ahead feels like a blank page, waiting for me to write the next chapter. That feels both exhilarating and, let’s be honest, a little terrifying.
Grief rarely travels alone. Its constant companion is fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of irrelevance. Fear that without a houseful of kids (my own and their friends), my life is smaller. Fear whispers in my ear for me to play it safe and not step too far into the unknown.
The danger of letting fear lead is that it will rob me of the very joy that this transition could bring me. After all these years, I am yet again learning that life pivots are invitations, not punishments. They ask us to grow, to stretch, to rediscover who we are outside of the roles we’ve held.
So, I’ve decided to ask myself a very important question:
What does it look like to not act small in this season?
My answer includes channeling energy into my longevity goals. I am rededicating my focus on strengthening my health because I want this second act to be lived with newfound energy, not fearful hesitation. It also means exploring forgotten passions and daring to dream in directions that once felt too impractical or indulgent. It means choosing curiosity over certainty, expansion over contraction.
Not acting small doesn’t mean pretending I’m not sad. It means honoring the grief while refusing to be defined by it or letting it take over me. It means acknowledging that I am both a mother and a woman still becoming. Who I become is solely up to me.
When the nest shifts, it’s not the end of nurturing. It’s the beginning of re-nurturing. This season holds an opportunity to pour my energy into joy. Joy found in the friendships that fuel me, work that challenges me, adventures that inspire me, and healthy practices that sustain me. It’s about rediscovering the parts of myself that were patiently waiting while carpools and college tours took center stage.
The nest isn’t empty. It’s evolving, and this chapter has taught me that when the nest evolves, so does the one who built it.
I’ve spent years teaching them to fly, and now it’s time to remember my own wings still work, too.
TWO TIPS FOR FOR NOT ACTING SMALL
1. SCHEDULE COURAGE IN YOUR CALENDAR
Don’t just think about trying the yoga class, booking the trip, or starting the side project - take the time to schedule it. This keeps us out of the all-talk and no-action phase. A date on the calendar is a promise to yourself. Courage gets real when it’s time-blocked.
2. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH “EXPANDERS”
Spend time with people who think bigger, live bolder, and remind you that life is meant to be stretched, not shrunk. Smallness is contagious, but so is expansion. Carving out time with the expander friends in your life will help reenergize you toward your own personal vision.
Relationships are one of the three pillars of Healthy Ambition. Traci's Healthy Ambition keynote helps leaders and teams achieve more without burning out. She speaks in Nashville and nationwide.
Traci Schubert Barrett is a Nashville-based keynote speaker and founding executive of HGTV, where she helped grow a fledgling idea into a billion-dollar brand. After two decades in media, she walked away to ask a bigger question: what if there’s more than success? That question became her award-winning book, What If There’s More?: Finding Significance Beyond Success, and her Healthy Ambition™ framework, which helps leaders and entrepreneurs achieve high performance without burnout. She is co-founder and President of Navigate the Journey.
