“Boredom seems like the least creative feeling. But it’s actually a way of clearing space for a new idea to spring back up.”
- QuestLove
Lately, I’ve been wrestling with something I didn’t expect to cause quite so much discomfort: space.
Not the cosmic kind. Although there have been some days when I wish I could help settle a new planet. I’m talking about the blank, quiet kind of space. The space in a day. The space in a mind.
For the first time in twenty years, I have an empty nest. No backpacks by the door. No last-minute Target runs for poster board or themed day outfits. No chorus of “Mom, have you seen my…?” echoing through the hall (although I do still have my husband asking that - it’s not lost until I say it is lost!). Without the constant pull of motherhood logistics, something strange has appeared.
Space.
My first instinct was to fill it. Isn’t that common-day protocol?
We reach for a screen. We scroll through other people’s lives, buy things we don’t need or we do the favorite American pastime: DOOMSCROLL.
I heard a researcher on a podcast declare that social media is stealing our attention and AI is stealing our relationships.
Yes, you heard that right. AI has become our newest companion. The number one use for AI (ChatGPT and Claude) is not productivity but relationships. People are turning to it for mental health issues, to ask how to solve a relationship issue, or just to chat about everyday life.
On the surface this might not sound like a big deal, but if this becomes a habit you can find yourself spending more time online than in person with your human friends.
All this brought me to the point of examining what I am doing with my new free time and why I keep turning to the busywork of online life.
Somewhere along the way, we developed a fear of boredom. We treat it like a contagious illness. It has been a very long time since I asked someone, “What’s up?” and gotten the answer, “Nothing much. I’m pretty bored, actually.”
We wear our busyness like a badge of honor. But boredom, inconvenient as it is, is where the good stuff hides.
The human mind wasn’t built to run at full tilt with notifications pinging like a Vegas casino. (BTW, I also learned that the pull-down refresh effect on social media was designed to be like a slot machine so we’d want more! Yikes! Yes, we’ve been suckered into the addiction. I digress.)
We need the blank spaces. The pauses. The moments when our brains aren’t consuming anything at all. It’s why our most brilliant ideas show up in the shower.
When we’re bored, something unusual happens: we think. We reflect. We wonder about meaning and purpose. We imagine new possibilities. We notice the relationships right in front of us and the ones we want to rebuild or deepen. We hear the quiet parts of ourselves that are so elusive amid all the noise.
Yet, boredom feels awkward. It’s uncomfortable. It actually can feel like you aren’t needed, and trying that on for size as someone who has been a crazed working mom for the last two decades is not fun.
I’m sitting in that discomfort these days. Some hours, I’m tempted to cram my newfound space with noise. At other times, I let myself sit in it and see what rises. Sometimes it’s insight or emotion. Sometimes it’s a grocery list. Occasionally, it’s a new dream that has been waiting patiently for two decades for its turn.
I’m finally learning that space isn’t something I need to conquer. Instead, I’m hoping it is something I will allow in my life. It’s where we meet the next version of ourselves. I need to trust that if I give my mind space, then it will show me what to do next, better than anything I might find online.
I’ve decided I’m choosing space. I’m choosing boredom. Frankly, I’m choosing me.
So there it is. Space - the final frontier…I’m going boldly where not many people want to go. Want to join me?
TWO TIPS TO EMBRACE SPACE
1. GIVE BOREDOM A CHANCE
Start with five minutes of doing absolutely nothing. No music. No scrolling. No productivity points. Just sit, breathe, and observe what bubbles up. Boredom gets less intimidating when you build tolerance in tiny doses. Over time, it becomes a doorway instead of a threat.
2. STASH YOUR PHONE OR LAPTOP
Put it in a drawer, a different room, or anywhere that requires at least mild effort to retrieve. When the device isn’t within arm’s reach, your mind has a chance to wander instead of ping-ponging between apps. At some point, we all need to realize that our devices can become addictions and derail our lives.
Traci Schubert Barrett is a Nashville-based keynote speaker and founding executive of HGTV, where she helped grow a fledgling idea into a billion-dollar brand. After two decades in media, she walked away to ask a bigger question: what if there’s more than success? That question became her award-winning book, What If There’s More?: Finding Significance Beyond Success, and her Healthy Ambition™ framework, which helps leaders and entrepreneurs achieve high performance without burnout. She is co-founder and President of Navigate the Journey.
